Leave and Cleave or Just Leave? What’s a Brotha to do?

So, here is a scripture I have been thinking about recently, after helping a few friends and acquaintances through divorce and near divorce situations.  Gen 2:24 talks about how men should behave, specifically when they are married.  It reads, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.”

Dabaq is the Hebrew word for cleave, which literally means to adhere, especially firmly, as if glued.  To be glued.  To be attached to anyone, to be lovingly devoted, to follow hard after.

There are many men (and women for that matter) that see marriage as a part time endeavor or as a throw away.  Some men throw away their brides because of disappointment with the image in their minds not matching up with what they see right now.  Others are disappointed with the relationship, attitude or growth of their wives, but later, she seems to rise up and become what that man always wanted her to be. 

Proverbs 18:22 gives great instruction on this, “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD.”  My husband always adds his own piece to this saying that for real men, this “finding” never stops. The process of finding is inside of her, but this in not a part-time hobby, it is a lifelong vocation.

The husband has an awesome responsibility, to find his wife on the inside of his bride.  He is commissioned to cultivate the relationship that he has with his bride and to search out her soul to find the wife that God has hidden away for him and him alone.  How would you feel if you invested all your money in a stock that you believed would yield a great fortune and permanently bless your life, but you gave up on it right before the investment actually paid off.  You are watching it everyday and you don’t see it growing at the rate that you hoped.  You give up hoping that it will increase and in your discouragement and disappointment, you give it to someone else.  Well, that person didn’t initially invest in the stock, you did. Now, all of that watching and waiting and investing has paid off, but not for you.  But that other person is now reaping the benefits of what you gave away.  Incidentally, that person is a billionaire now.  How would you feel if that happened to you?

The word says that the man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.  He is the one responsible to stick with her.  The enemy knows that.  Women will typically go the distance and try to make a relationship work until the man just up and leaves her.  Men on the other hand can get tired, make excuses and be lured away to another woman, not realizing that his treasure is inside the wife he took time to cultivate but didn’t wait on the return.  He wouldn’t stick with her. 

Next time you hear of a male friend or loved one leaving his wife, ask him if there is anything that would stop him from getting to a billion dollars locked away in a container.  He would use all tools at his disposal and I am sure, anything else he could get his hands on to get to the treasure inside.  He would never give up on prying the container open and claiming the prize.  The word “can’t” would not even enter the equation.

I will forever be grateful that the love of my life, didn’t throw me away.  He stuck with me and is watching me blossom into a woman that he is grateful he kept.  Ladies, we want to be a treasure worthy of being discovered.  Lets be who God made us to be and stay submitted to the process. We can help make cleaving to us a joy, not a burden.

I Know Who I Am

I went on an interview this past week and it was very interesting. I scored low on the behavioral test, even though I answered every question honestly. The other tests were computer based and could not score my knowledge of short cuts accurately in either application that I was tested on. In addition to that, the computer based tests kept freezing and wouldn't let me go forward to the next question. I work with the applications every day and I knew that I had the knowledge that they were trying to determine that I had.

When I completed the testing and was told that the scores were low, I heard myself making this comment, " It's a good thing I know who I am, I know what I can do, and I like myself." The interviewer smiled and said that is good! At first I thought, "Well you messed that up!" I just wanted to get out of there! But then I realized that what I was really feeling was something that rose up on the inside of me. I am never going to let a test tell me who I am or what I can do. My value is not determined by what someone else evaluates it to be. God gives me my worth and I can do anything because he says I can.

I realized that as long as I believe in me, it doesn't matter what other people think. So I left that interview a bit indignant, but a bit stronger too.

Always remember that if you allow someone else to decide who you are, you give away your right to be you. Don't give away your power!